My first Sip at 27 years old

14th MAY 2013 (11pm)

Its my birthday.. my born day.. Today, I celebrated with companion of great people.. They are the important persons in my life.. My families.. although not all present here but their presence is felt with all those blessing sent to me early morning. The choices of tonite dinner celebration is not constant as usual. My mother suggest to have seafood. I suggest to have Korean food. Big sis suggest to try out Chef at Home (served Western food) nearby area. Bro-in-law suggest Pete's Special (another western place usual eat). And youngest sis suggest the Alfresco (eating place located in line with 360 Hotel). Before it comes to make a decision of choice, we made and created a special way.. Lucky Draw officially done by my little nephew. Indeed very clever, he just choose and take it out. The draw goes to Alfresco Wine and Dine Restaurant. 

Heard of it but none of us been there. So, its a great breakthrough for a fine rating. Western food it served and most part of it suitable for drinking session as beer offered at cheap price. But we also not disappointed with the foods. Few foods receive tremendous rating such as its Sirloin Beef Steak, Spaghetti Bolognese with Giant Meatballs and recommended for those can stand for hot and spicy Alfresco's Chicken Wings.

My first sip is the Tiger Beer that my family ordered One Jug. They serve me one cup but I still cannot finish it up. As it were my birthday, give face is very important and indeed true to show ur gratitude. And, if a person held up their cup and want to have drink with u, u must drink a sip. Last last I sip 4 mouth (not full-mouth). 1st sip is very bitter, its not "spice" like most said but I just cannot bear it. Have to cover with my own drink or some food. Yeah,thats mayb my 1st sip and not so fast to have another round. Not really my choice of drink.

Slices of Blueberry Cheese and American Choc is more than enough for the celebration. Opening with the cake and end after food with it better than none. Its from Secret Recipe. And then the present giving ceremony while waiting the food to be ready served.

Thanks to my sister for giving me a set of make-up brush alongside with handmade birthday card and Handmade Bag Organizer from BebeHandmadeStore to me this birthday. Her work is awesome and marvelous. Very loved it. Much much appreciate the present. 

Interested can pm http://bebehandmadestore.blogspot.com/

And also a lucky angpao (red packet containing luck, wish and money) from my mother. Thanks also goes to my two young sister for the clutch from Calvin Klein with my favorite color (Blue). The color is real nice and not catchy design but very attractive at first sight. So, it is very match with me (they know my taste well). 

Dinner end at 10pm with my little nephew slept at his mother shoulder. Such a tiring day for him to stay awake till this hour. The time now is past 2 minutes after my Day. Now time is 1203am (15th May). 

Here my last word:

I wish to thank all of my friends that sending me great blessing through FB today and I very appreciate all those sweet thought. Birthday is not only a celebration but also remembrance of the day we born and be thankful we were still alive to celebrate another year of birthday.

Good nite everybody.

Is quitting the best solution?

I shld be more cautious on what I gave to him and not intend to causing hurt.. because am not only act as nanny but as her aunt, I should be more alert and aware everything on him. I right to be put blame. I am should be responsible. I should tell the truth that I gave the weapon to him which cause his face got long scratch scar. But I cant. I just don't dare to admit these offence to his parents. Although being questioned few times, I only confess part of the story which not all true. If I admit thats my fault, what may happen? Of coz will be "teach" and "preach" till no face to put and probably giving me "red light" to stay away from his son although he is my nephew. I know the end result.. that's y I dont have the courage at all. 

The suspected weapon causing long scar

I should aware that stuff is harmful with sharp ends even though its only a biscuit packs. Every bend counts. every corner like sharp blade. But I thought if I gave him, then he wouldn't bother me eat my own biscuit. I don't know about it until I saw long scar at his face. He no sign of cry or even scream. He just stare at me and keep rubbing his face. By then,I only realize the serious case of this. The scratch will remain until he is grown up. It is very obvious part which just right after the eye. Even use plenty of aloe Vera still cannot cover it up. 

The baby with the scar

Handsome boy with long scratch scar mark.. So pity. Sorry boy.

Only so, I have to confess to his mother that he "in hurt". Something cause this happen but I dont know". At end, she says,"next time be more careful. Dont put him in playpen if cannot watch him. If really want, get something softer for him.". I admit that's kind of stern advice as a mother. If the child only 1 year and keep knocking here there, face no longer handsome, surely parents will worried and putting the blame on someone spent most of time with their child. 

This job is high responsibility. What I teach the child will showed how will he behaved. My bad tempered maybe will "given" to him. My aggressiveness may cause more trouble coz I cannot control my emotions to get angry. Sometimes he so cute but sometime so heart stricken actions. Is it the time to quit before more accidents happen? or should I tell the parents maybe I'm not suitable with this job? Is quitting can give me relieved? 

stood in middle

25th Feb

This post shall be posted last two days as reflected on what am gonna share for the title above. But that day, too tired to put in typing but so strange..the issue still strolling around my mind. So, its important to share.

If you live a life as a doctor, what would u feel? happy coz' can treat patients? happy coz' patients recover? happy coz' successfully doing the operations? what if bad things happen.. let say, the sick person is your family members and you are required to do operations to them.. how would you be? at the stake as doctor?

I watched "Grey Anatomy Season 8 / 9" last Saturday on TV and intense part is many cases happen in the same time in that 1 hour episode. Doctors also work outstation especially the attendant (not a doctor yet) to assist out-patients from other clinic. Worse to worst is when the other clinic don't have the medical facilities. Have to be depended on what the attendant have to save life. 

Case 1: Attendant and Child Surgeon

Treat the weak just born baby. Put the baby under incubator before flown to own clinic for further treatment. Heavy rain delayed the schedule. Ambulance broke down in the middle of the road and it is night time. Driver asked them to stand outside as ambulance consists of lots oxygen  If one car ramp the ambulance& man  explosion may occur. Means, asking the doctors leaving the baby as intact to the oxygen. What would do? The attendant is a woman, adopted a child. Of coz' she not willing and likely would protect the baby no matter what. 

Case 2: A doctor handling operations in ER, her husband got an operation also that day

If this happen, who should be treated first? The patient or the husband? She is the specialist for the sickness and have the capability to do the operations. But as the doctor already doing the operations procedure, it takes time. Make the husband could not seeing the wife before entering the OR. The doctor trusted "anak murid" will doing the operation for her husband but choose to secretly backing the identity as she believe "if she don know the patient, she will perform better". Thus, the hospital principal helping to keep the secret and let the "assistant" doing the operations. But the husband died because over bleeding (no blood left). As procedure, the assistant should inform the family members of the death confirmed. Till then, she be informed about the identity. So bad...

So, to tell the sifu? It is hard decision as she in the battle of saving another life. If you tell, she may will rush out leaving the OR, another life be gone. But if you don't, you already break the rules as doctor. But its true as what they said," you better dont tell her as no matter what she still will angry with us as her husband is dead under our knife. She will blame us in the end. Delay 1 hour to inform no much difference". Indeed.

What a life of a doctor.. you just stood in middle..if the patient is your loved ones.

clocked-in

25th Feb 2013

Time just 1 minute passed after 12 midnite and left behind the Day 15 of CNY or Chap Go Meh.. some China place called it "Valentine Day". The end of the day seems no effect to me b'cos everyday still be the same. Odd jobs, same people to "serve", same "servant" task to be done, same place I still stand still no move. Sigh* Its me the problem?

Time flies.. Time clocked-in pass Month of January and nearly approaching the end of February and about to welcoming the Month of March. Is the time flies so soon? or because I stay so long at the same place, no feel time is passing fast? Might be. As I don care much what date is today, when is the time, what next..bla.. bla..Sigh* Is that what life is?

In past chapter of me as job seeker, a friend of a friend recommend me to give a try at Korean beauty cosmetic shop inside a shopping mall. Retail shop means working long hours as the shopping mall open and until the mall is closed for the day. Least of it, working on shift. Then, that day walk-in to be interviewed. Frankly speaking the boss shows how much she meant to find one reliable and trustworthy worker to be assist her workloads especially ones that can take over her current position as "Floor Manager" in reporting to other shareholder.

From the eyes, I can feel how disappointed she was when worker left the unfinished work behind as failed to stand the long working hours. 10am to 10pm. Actually to me, it is indeed long hours but if you got ur responsibility, u wont left without notice. But im not so keen with the job but partially accept for two cause and additional view:

1. Give face to my introducers

2. give myself a try as new field

3. Spend my time rather work at home

4. to reduce arguments

People say " if u really want the job, you should take initiative  your first move so that they can judge our sincerity. I din call up to ask about the offer of 7-days testing trial to test "am I ready to stay over restless week.

clear message

18 Oct 2012

How do we know the msg delivered is clear and precise? reaching the targeted focus? what kind of msg consider proved as clear msg? If we believe we had done deliver the clear msg, doesn't it better to check with the receiver the actual msg they got from us? But what if they decline to clarify? I don know next step to know does he/she really get my meaning? Why so hard to make someone to get the msg right..? is that my fault? Hard to say I am good in delivering msg but I believe I aldy mention clearly what am telling and as adult, they should understand. Am not using flowery words, extreme hard words,  forceful letters.. Am just using simple languages. 

If he/she receive the msg, he/she should respond back either ACCEPT or DECLINE. This especially important if we deal with a deal. but when he/she does not give any feedback, how to proceed? to go by ur own decision actually differ from yr intention at the beginning in delivering the msg. If no respond to clarify the msg, what shall do? Repeatedly transmit the msg to him/her? Is that be better? but if he/she really planning not to answering the msg intention, does everything will work out well? I really don know.

I just wish for an answer. Either ACCEPT, DECLINE, REJECT, IN CONSIDERATION, YES/NO, etc.. any respond given is better than none. Better than don't know what next route should be take, don know why the msg failed to reach the receiver, don know either should wait and see afterward respond should be taken..

Am sending in clear msg. To approve my saying, a simple respond is more than enough. A reply is better than let-out hanging. No clear destination, the msg intention going no where. Nothing will be proceeded. Answering the clear msg is always better than ignoring the msg. At least, people will know what to expect, what to wait and what to assume.

anger management

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it might hard to control, especially anger. people may just angrily speaking or hardly to control tone of speaking. Actually even it may be minor case, but with bulky of anger in heart, u just couldn't control well. no one is perfect with good anger control. when that's yr bad day, u will not give face at all. even that might be yr spouse, siblings, friends or even close ones. Only way u can do is CONTROL. if u can't, means u really cannot bear the anger any more  No one have the power to say, "Stop. Think. Rethink. and Peace". NEVER. The anger comes from you so it must be end by you. If u cant, those suffer not only you but also those "staying" nearby with you.

Major case:

There's a man returning home in sweaty body. Plan to take bath and get good sleep. But once out from bathroom, find no single pants in drawer, put up the angry face and *&%#@% words blaming "why this stupid things happen"? "wtf hpn to me, at this moment/ now?". What bad is? these %&@$#%& foul words uttered to his wife whom tiredly sleeping. Why? Is that means " you tend to believe her job not tiring?" or " you expect that's her job to get all pants in tidy in cupboard?". NAIVE!! If u really don have anything to wear, just ask nicely. Don shout although u angry. If u know she were sleeping, why shout to blame?

End of case: leaving the house with angry mood with dirty pants and posted angry motion messages to everyone. Things he expect, people will say, "what's happen?".. wishing people to ask and comfort. But in yr heart, still blaming. Keep the case deep down in memory and repeatable the case when the next meeting.  

Control the anger, things might get easy in hand. But seems you don corporate much in this case. You put the blame solely to the wife for not provide enough. Not every man should behave such to woman to show their power. Ask nicely, talk slowly. Everything easy to do. Why makes things so difficult? making everyone affected so painful? leaving the scar that you have the right to ask this and that and we as woman only can say, "YES, SIR. I WILL PROVIDE. YES, SIR. I WILL DO IT NOW. YES, SIR. YOU ARE RIGHT. YES, SIR. THIS MY MISTAKE. PLEASE FORGIVE ME." 

Stupido. Anger is yr personal feeling. If u believe you can control, just control it. Don getting use to do it often. You might not hurt only to others, but also yr own self. 

Breach

Suddenly feels like want writing tonite about this topic. I don have correct exact definition on this but upon my belief, breach happens when you break the law of agreement between two parties and more either on agreed details or anythg related with the process of the collaboration.

breach can happen in many form. Whether how heavy the breach results is, both side may suffer the similar impact. but of coz the one being breached suffered more. You may not knowing the "heaviest" burden they might bear upon the breach takes place, but should aware if u just lest the ass out the matter, the loss all bear upon them. The suffer impacted more than on agreement but also relationship and future collaboration.

In daily life, breach can also happen between simple promise made between two people or more on something and you break the promise (didn't do what had promised), being breached side will sad, fall anger, and deduct the mark of trust within the other side. When u fail to get the trust, next agreement/promise wont come easy to accomplish. Neither to say when u ask other things related with such similar promise.

My confession:
I'd hide the real matter between two person which Im stuck in the middle. As due to my own fault, I don dare to admit it then tells lies to other party but half of them are real case. Am doubting the seriousness of the matter as well as the angry face of the person if found out I hid these matter from them. I had to confess, I had breach the trust one party put unto me and the trust another half.

Almost coming to two months but I still keep mumbling the real issue and keep giving reason which partially true but I don want they found out and blamed not do so at the very beginning.

Maybank - Legoland Malaysia Bloggers Contest

Why Maybank should give me tickets to Legoland" (in less than 500 words).

Legoland leading in front, small kid hiding at the back. Back years when my sister and I was small kid aged 6-7 years old, Lego is smaller size than we are. Lego is the best educational tools for us to construct, build and rebuilt, to create creative buildings together plus enjoying the process of learning the morale of patience, trust and co-operation. In the Lego world by ourselves, combine and regenerate different pieces into new item such like long train, shot gun, big house, palace, twin tower or even a ship already such big satisfaction. What more to say if these small material generated like real things at Legoland!

                                           multiple color of Lego used to build this shot gun:)

                                     Wish can see this cruise ship no longer in model size at Legoland.

                                         small tiny little red house

                                      long train should able accommodate us for ride in Legoland!

Now, when I knew Legoland is here in Malaysia, I would like to get the ticket to witness them myself with beasties especially my young sister the greatness of builders that transform their passion, dedication, hard work, time and faith to build these amazing icon into huge Lego world. My nephew might still small age by now but I wish to bring him to here together to witness the greatest experience with Legoland not only filled with entertainment, education but also proud with Malaysian people creativity. 

Coming vacay to KK/Sabah 2012

This time is crucial. two days ahead then time to hook up the plane..take me and group of young people to KK for vacation. Sounds funny as am the oldest. Am the "weirdest" as the only person doesn't know all the youngster groups members. Am the "no connection" with all these people included in the trip except my own sister that joining too. Mayb I can say,"Im more like joining a tour to Sabah. and just coincidence my sister also joining with her friends. So, just enjoy yr own. Who cares you don know them? Plus slowly u need get involve too, talked, shared place, doing things together. No big deal. Only getting own heart to fully-hearted be participate and enjoy. Nice sound as saying but still at the corner of heart, what if am not friendly enough?

Well said, all planning had be done. Although does not be as what had under planning at the very beginning, still hoping for the best out of it. If one cannot convince others that will be alright, others also will feel not secure. No matter call is as "traveler trip" or "tour trip", its still something that I had paid and I should just participate in it. Money not comes easy. From the date I fork out the money to join this vacation and need more for transportation. Think I should bring more own food to fix my stomach and less buying u-necessary goods. Better sight-seeing as I once being there time Form Five, few years had passed..all things could changed, plus this time heading location,I never been there ever.

Well, packing yet. on cloth, necessities, towel, even T-shirts not much I had. Sigh* So hard to think as I'm very cerewet in clothing especially high priced tagged. Well hoping everything be good. Less argument, less quarrel, less disagreement, less mouth-fighting and more harmonious. Everyone go safe back safe. No worries, only happiness.

Time to End soon

20/5/2012

without realize, almost two month gotta passed.. calculating days I've been take the course at SEGi, two more days will be the  final stop. can say its fast, can say "I DON KNOW WHAT TO DO NEXT".  Its very true when people say, "u cannot just keep on studying without finding jobs".. Hard to admit but it's true enough to understand especially someone that trying to hide from reality. what i learned from this class, "when you're not knowing how to do the paperwork, u will read more to find answer. When u feel u want just give up the course in the middle, then u will think about the allowance provided" but then think back plus calculation roughly on monies spent on transport and food, that RM500 per month really not enough especially it doesn't in the account in time. with less monies in hand, i really so worried. as big spender like me on Gamble, so hard to reduce the bet.

days to find its end, i little UN-willing, might be with frens i made in the class, might be days i spent within SEGi environment,  might be also I'll be wondering where's my next path. Sigh* so hard..but foremost, i shall thanked few people in my class at here:

Rachel, you're Awesome! Every lift you spare to me, I never repay you back. Never attempt to express my thankfulness for sending me right to my doorstep. I only say "Thank you very much".. I really do appreciate your good self for sending stranger for 2 months like me in your car and humbly apologize about your messy car. You will be blessed for every good deeds you done to me!

Mariana, you're Fabulous! I don know why I feel you're so cool from the first day we met as you're late joining our session. But been matched with you in a group of three before another guy is dropped out from the class, that's really cool. Your act like Big Sista. Taking in-charge most of decisions where I know that's my weaknesses. I am too dependent on you but it's because you have the style in instructing people and i believe you will make big changes in your coming career with mass comm. All the best ahead, sis! God bless your deeds for giving lift to me too!

Amy, you're Style! You're talked to me  and befriended before Mariana came in. Its nice to have a friend like you, young and energetic although our distance just two years. but you got the personality of professionalism. Maybe you have great experience at work, you know how most people behave. I never forget for your help sending me home although far inside like what good deeds Mariana, Rachel and Rita gave me. Wishing you all the best in life!

Rita, you're Cute! First day of class, you alrdy willing to send me down from SEGi. Friendly to describe you coz hardly to believe you don have any worries picking up stranger get into your car as we're yet knowing well each other that time. Still, got many times I hop in your car even just a little distance from home. But, its still very nice. All good deeds fall upon you always!

Rooney, Mami and Irene, won't say much on this special group coz they're full of laughter group combination. Though at first day wont have such flash what happen today will just happen. Thanks to you all! Go nail the Job!

Theresa, Lucy and Steph, you' all so rock! Funny yet entertaining. No boundaries between us which I know from start although not so closed yet. 

Perfectionist Awang, you're such a sincere yet Hated! because of your clever mind, knowledgeable and outspoken steal all the limelight in the class after third days of the class began. It's rather to say you are smarter than us, you just get all the praises. It's not we are jealous over your outspoken, but we also wishing can be like you, so confident and knowing what you says. But, thank you for marking my resumes. All this awhile thought you're such arrogant person but you're nice. Congratulations on your Graduation and the treat you gave to all of us. Thank you!

Marcel, Aziz no idea describe you two.. but both are so "creative" and "attentive". All I wish is " all have great path ahead after this although life may be hard and difficult to walk through unemployed post, but you all can made it!

Last to Ms DD. Thank you for all the knowledge you shared although few portion is contribute by Mr. Perfectionist yet still helpful in knowing our needs as stranger to all assignments.

THANK YOU EVERYBODY!

Jobless Season

09/02/2012

This new season is my jobless since Oct 2011 (if want to be count clearly) should be alrdy 4 months am a jobless graduate. Jobs? I did looking for it, but chance not yet drop by. Opportunity yet open up for me. My sis say, try everythg. Now my mind emptied. How can everythng had typed gone in a click? maybe i forget that Gmail is collaborate with Blogger. Thats y when i log off gmail,all typed in blog tarnished, error.

Well,say no more. I alrdy no idea of what am writing. My fault not saving it first. Job Hunting, Job Hunger best describe me now. Eager for job to pay off debts. Owed so much to certain people inc computer am using now. So bad. even RM195 also couldn't pay every month. No salary in is very much contra in life like"no money in pocket, no mind in brain, no rice in bowl even no breath in life". Dead corpse.

Oh God, grant me a post. a job. a salaried occupation. So that my life not bored with jobless title. Change my attitudes with working life. Mindset of educated person though I dont have experience needed. Some is I don't have the ability to shows what i've learned and not able to prove what i learned is usable in real world.

Help me get rid this Jobless Title into Employed Worker. My Job Hunting and Job Hunger need to off from main thing in life. But this season still my biggest Jobless Season.

29/09/12

Am still carry on the Jobless Title till now. Not very much prefer that title although may no need suffer what the Employed Person did nowadays. The job list all can fit requirement but certain basic regulation, hard to accomplish.  referring to above post, entering month of October 2012 will I declared that I HAD NO JOB FOR 1 YEAR already. This is hardest part to live on. Sending out resumes and application but no responses yet. Sudden time feels if no work then the booked ticket for vacay not be wasted.  I am attached to any  course with 3 days max absent requirement, everything seems hard.

Happy New Year 2012

1st Jan 2012

People will think of new resolutions and recall any previous resolutions not achieved. Probably will write off new or just add on spices to the prev ones. Well,its just paper and pen things. If u reli can make it,don't think u need any prove to remind you on yr resolutions.

Mine,i forgot from the beginning of 1st Jan 2011.. wat happen? i already hardly to re flash or recall back. what i remember i still having class just then and now i finish and jobless. Resolution of course wish to find new job.

Finally got attend 1 interview. my sole and only. but the informal make it not special. Thought they may offer handsome salary as i got higher qualification,but so disappointing with low remuneration which lower even for my degree. So,its not a good idea to consider although i prefer such working conditions. Haih.. so down that time.

Life goes on. Still need stay with current position. same boss, same work, same place, no collegue, no freedom, no pay (sometimes).. Why no one give me chance? I hope the bad words didn't strike me--as within 5 years will not found single job. Thats bad. I don like it.

Anyway,Happy New Year 2012 to olls' out there.

wasted my tears for nothing

Though cried so loud,so much tears wasted today, problem still there. work stil need to do. stil stressful, frustrated. i don have the energy to defend. to say no. i hav to do it at last. but why must blame on me when the email cant get thru? or why forget to do so? if i have many thgs to do in hand(all yr command) is that i cant forget even? even with full job task i also not manage to get it done all. what u expect? keep say "u do things slow2,when to finish? time is running out and u still not yet send out the email to let them prepare the presentation,i don understand why u waste time?" i aldy make clear that im not expert in everythg u expect me to do. evn im just beginner in everythg that i blve my capability. the most weakness is time management. evn got stressful matter also i dont know hw to handle. especially when u keep pushing. keep mumbling. if u trust others, i don think they will mot help u.

sh*t on you..

push..pusher.. hated it very much. especially when ppl think u shall able doing it. u think am expertise on this? pissed off. im not yr dream child, don treat me as i am know everything hw to do. i knw runs out of time but u shall give lease time to rest,though u may feel ok wth it. but am not u~ not as u though as strong. i will die if u keep so pushy. i may accidentally uttered bullshit to yr face. am controlling it this moment bcz u are sm1 "powerful" than every1. but i may hit u with bullshit words if am at yr bac. u may know it but this is truth. hw u treat ppl,ppl will treat u back. so don blame if one day i really say so. u may regret for treating me such at first.

am stupid not as u may wished for, so pls don wish i can change to be person u want, u wish. ur wish may not come true. im not yr bull to carry on their nose. only i don have the chance now so u can treat me this way. i hate you for being pushy. to me or to others which don wan to be yr boneka. if we don follow,u will angry. u will small hearted. so how? u think we are yr play-er? shit!!!! i hate my current life. pls take me out b4 i turn crazy.

credit to mom

i know i always troubled mum to send me to office although she have lots school works to finish in the morning, the only time she had b4 class session starts. she always v tired at nite. i know its my fault. bt i want to escape from car pool erly morning wth him. he will say many words in car. not good words, but stern warning, demand task b complete. i don wan listen to such before real office time. which cn mk my rest of the day worse,no mood. i hate it.

i knw distance is far, smtm trapped in jams,she will mumbling when smtm i need go to banks/othr plcs b4 work.. but still mum will sent me thr. credit,right?

i shld b able drive my own to work. but im not expert yt. so always been scold by him,"got license x knw hw to drive. want move arnd pun ssh."..simply means im troublesome. i know the fact, but not rejecting the facts.. but wat u want me to do? huh..

my dream job

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coming to half month of November already,suddenly time flies very fast.. from the day i took up master studies in 2009 now aldy past 2 years. Duh.. Cant imagine,rite? yup. its real. but still don have any job. doing work at here like working at hell with "king of hell". not even will be listed in my job preference or even part time job. Worst!

so recently, i had apply few jobs.. mostly in hotelier industry. to cuba nasib. although seems far but stil near as got sis there. at least can jaga me. from the day i completed my STPM, a always think of entering industry like hotelier, FAB, restaurant industry.. industries that provide hospitality. even got thinking to study on that field. but under arrangement, give me this HR. not say lousy but ppl say HR cannot find "food" at local. many of my frens now not doing basic HR things.

so as i step out from uni with degree holder, want to find work but again being stopped to pursue master. says that with master u can find better jobs. but the bad is i have no choice to taken up same studies--HR. huh.. my dream job fade again. And now,what.. finish master, so eager to search for my dream job then route is being broken down by some people, working at a factory with HR post.

does no one really know that i don want be an HR? u got the knowledge but not the skill,practicable knowledge.. how u think u are manage to control and handle ppl from different background? even not willing but stil have to come work everyday. got salary of RM1,800 although i aldy upgraded to master levels. Im not care abt the salary but rather my performance. im not good time management. am not good control ppl. so everytm i wished don hire so many ppl,keep lesser. then my work will lighter.

here no other exec levels employees. just me alone. this is not healthy work environment. i want to work in a situation that i had a supervisor above me, got my colleague to help each other, and keep our rltnshp close with each other. then i can hang out with them for lunch.. can put on make-up, wear office wear either formal or informal. but at here, i just like others. no need wear so nicely as u work in a factory. sometimes u need "play" with "dirty". if u suddenly wear such dream wear, ppl will think u are crazy.

opportunity came for my dream job. hoping to apply for locals resort although plan is not working in the state/city. i hope menjadi this time because keep pushed to take up PhD pula this time. keep asking to enroll in coming intake, prepare proposals related with "his" target on SCORE. huh.. not my intention to be so disobey, but if study can fulfill my needs, i will not face so much difficulties in completing the studies from very beginning. every parents should know their children ability in studies, where im not always the high achiever. never from primary til now. i never succeed to over my own target. how come they don realized it?

i really disappointed. what so good of PhD? just want me involved with the field as he is?

shout out " i don't want. my dream is with hotelier industry. Don't stop me, pls? give me some space to try out jobs first. why keep blocking my way to success? you think i only can success at yr place? u think i will argue with ppl at the work? "

i know my behavior nt good but i don think will be the same at different environment later on. at least no need working with family is my biggest hope. bcz there always wil have "bring home work" or "extended business matter/issue" which i don want to hear/handle after work. i don think this will happen if i reli worked later which i think the worst is need OT. but its better coz im willing do so as part of my resp. not being forced to understand the fact of the factory operating cost.

Dream job,

pls wait for me. Im willing to sacrifice for you. Pls give me a chance to perform, to give my service to u.

hate these words

21102011
WTF lah..

U,ah.. as HRD cannot control people.. you think i open company want to rugi money ka..? u thot am a bank,ka..easily take money and waste money to pay workers every month without work progress ones.. u already 25 yrs old cannot think ah.. tomoro grads lo.. u think still work like wasting money nia can show u alrdy grown up as master u hold ka.. huh.. pressure. "i don want say a words on you again. u don want to change, whats yr problem hah?" bt then stil do the talking..blah..blah.. cheh.. tot so great can hold the mouth to scold ppl when things not right. the bad is when thgs not correct and not derived from me also kena marah ones. never paise other good or at least any jobs finished. inikah job development yg btl? inikah justice? even single says"ok,good,keep up" pun takda, mana ad worker willing stay long with u..though am not fully as.

am i bad?

i feel i do aftr i didnt let my boss know that day got "special draw'(for those got play numbers bet). well,my intention is prevent myboss buying more numbers. but then luckily,i believe myboss realised "this should be that,must be something". aftr that sempat buying lo. at nite time,upon checkg, myboss number out. included in 1-3 seat above. then i can get my salary..though i tot no more. but bcz last9 winning,myboss give anthr strike,buying more.. haih.. sien..

I hate my life! its suck!

i sinking. Again, its full of unwanted waters that almost fully covered me till i cant breathe. not only water but also rubbish, empty bottles that make my life more worse. Whats more to say if these things should not be there as not belong to me. I didnt ask for it comes to me, but it did anyway without considering my feeling. Is it really meaningless? regardless i like it or not,i have to accept it. its like what ppl always says,"like a bird without wings, like a man without legs"... can't be where u wanted to be. no matter how eager u are.

I am loser. speaking not my strength. what to say asking. Dare or Not, i rather choose SILENT. I reli dont understand..y need so rush? doesnt ppl say, "careful is good deed"?..i takes time b'coz i wanted to make sure everythg is correct. not wrongly written. Can't compare to what i done before. not logic. they don have patience to wait not my problem. I did before but that person willing to wait. different people behaved differently. if he can wait, why not them..? this small matter need be taken big case? think being "laugh" over having so "slow' and "useless" machine to operate fully.

not my willing to utter those words. I just actly want to say is, the choice of the course not what i like. hw cm u expect i will like it although i goin through it 3 years and get a degree for that? its all what u all says. the course not good to study, no work for you. but u decide it all. study what, where, when. I know im paid for these studies. not to say, im being forced to take up that course.

i don wan this life. my theses un-finish. who can tanggung for that? although grade is taken, but final work still needed. i not yet complete it but due date is running up very high already. eho can help me?

whisper

How I wish God can whisper to me that he's the one right for me..then i no need to think much about my fate in later on life.

If God whispered, then I no need gotta out finding, searching for soul-mate or even worried couldn't find one that suit my taste..and i don't have to worried if the man is catching up with others this moment as if God whisper he's the one then he finally will return to me.

but this sound not good as the man probably had "exchange" hands with other so many times before fall into my hand..at the end. Maybe thats not the way i want from God but the blessing of the relationship i had this moment,maybe.

I've told that,' I may not the perfect one for you, but I hope U will feel the warmth love I gave which came from the bottom of my heart. If one day, separation is a must, don't feel sad 'coz we had done the best for this and nor you or me shall give up the precious moment we had'.. no one like that situation that makes two lovable birds sets apart from each other.

I want everlasting relationship..the precious of that is the commitment, understanding and tolerance. May God do whisper to me that i am the last for him. Amen.