if u..

23/01/10

If u seeing same things twice, what u may feel?
- i feel jerk..and say,"why me? why now? wtf!"..better just killed me!

If u making fuss on same matter, how people might think?
- people will say,"u so busybody, u cant just don't bothered others, let ourselves settled it? put it upon God's hand since we cant defeat the destiny nor only God is the power of Decider? Come on, its none of ur business!"

If u trying to help, but others really didn't want ur help, what u may do?
- nothing much for they don't want to survive, I may just be helping hand pushing them to hell if I cont to help.

If u encounter some difficult situation, what u will do? delete or proceed?
- maybe deleting the condition outta from my head better than keeping it stuck inside head that make more suffers. Proceed when I controlled the game. But, no wise making fuss when people jerk me and hate me.

If u given choice,would u want facing those again and again?
- No and Yes. No for I hated it very much for the first time I met it and I don't feeling well when it happens again. Yes for I care it much and allowed me to try make decisions.

**no one is involved in the Q&A above for its only happen in my mind as thinking too much making the process of thinking stuck in the time the matter arise.

i know why

22/01/10

The things had past one day one night. No signs of improvement. No signs of changing better. No ain't signs for feeling better. I still in terrible mood for as I cant believe that's happened at last after so many years of argument, in-agreeable in most issues, different views of thinking.. then,that's is it.. stopping everything that moved on. Deleting on everything that had shared. Emptying the real feeling that had been poured since young. People just cant believed in you anymore. No any longer exist the trust, the sense of belongings. Living in the past just will give you more pain.. So i choose living in present. Not saying I m going to forget the past things that happen, but for the moment, I need put it aside for its not worth to be argued off. Maybe de things will change better over the time and no doubt it may become worsen.. but the least is we had tried our best to cope it without bothering our mind that stuck the thinking process.

I realistic that bad things cant be change better in one day.. neither bad robbers can change become saint in one day. Either Paris cant be build one day. And killer wont stop killing for its impossible to achieved. So,making the point here is that i stil who am i and i wont change for other people that wish me to change. I shall not bother anymore things that happen through my both eyes for they knows better that its wrong. One day,I may feel its hurt but it sooner become better.. Hope for it.

the day finally comes

20/01/10

This morning i just say,"what a nice date.. de numbers so beautiful".. bt at the end of de day,its become the historical moment in life ever...the biggest secret finally revealed.. Figuring out the process,its suck and hard to admit that its real..

i cant say its all my fault as from the beginning i have warned and giving advice purely to protect but if its falls to deaf ears,what can i do more,rite? So,the moment it happen,u just cant stop it. Its too late for every back up solution. Yes,admitting that i ever use back door to reach the main stage.. but the actor himself portray to be secretive with the actress.. so y should i bother so much using main stage to tell de actress what i feel? No point,right? I thought de things/matter can be keep forever till death but so fast..today its come to end all de secret.

nevertheless, i had encounter it once and i knw ways handled it so i never regret things i done previously to the actor and de actress for i already tried my best just they don't think it that way. I might use wrong encounter, but its indeed a good deed. I never plan to harm anyone nor plan to destroy every single relationship they have but i just plan to avoid more bad things happen. I don't ask acceptance, i don't ask agreement, i just ask a respect. I'm not betrayer at least i didn't do something that harmful.

The days comes and i need to accept the truth, the reality that im really that kind of bitch that like busybody on others and peeking is my part-time profession. Gosh! i really got to admit it! curiosity above all. but to others,i might just busybody son of bitch!

I now declared war that period last forever till i died. No more close sista. No more close communication. No more close watching. No more close things to do together. Everythg comes to its end on this date. But i don't regret at all as its under prediction. Im grateful as now its all over. I don't need keep it inside heart all time and make myself like a clown,trying to pretend happy to entertain others. I am who i am for i don't care what really people look inside me as they felt i should long grown up with the age.

i will remember de date forever for its stil such a beautiful date. Good nite,world!

cold cold nite

14th Jan 2010

Wish all happy new year! hope not too late.. still at the month of January. Well so long din blogging coz change habit to watch dvd.. haha.. although nt so interesting,bt thinking of typing and thinkg what to do really bored. As its a cold nite, i rather sat stil from the laptop and din move much as outside also pretty cold. Covered wth blanket and drink hot drinks is preferable. so nice if gt couch front of the fireplace like what Europe ppl always have during cold time / winter season. or like Japanese have hot place to get self-warmed.

Well what to hope for at M'sia rite? now is raining season.. everyday is cold.. already two days continuously Kch having heavy rain. my plc here so badly rain pour make my life miserable. eating instant mi all day long really make me jerk! pissed off! but thats the fastest food i can get than walking out in rain to get rice.well hope tmrw can hav it..so bored having mi all time.

my resolution this year sound hard to achieved with my condition nw.. always din start asgnment early..what to do? cant,ma... last min plan always in list..

do i really can put it out?

4th Jan 2010

as starter of new year 2010, i ain't change better. stil being the busybody.. bt this time I decide to give up my profession..to become person-not-knowing-anything.. don want to bother other business.. But do I really can??

I don knw but wan to give it a try..as feels Im gonna to suffer more if I stil taking the burden wth me.. Bt I knw I need time for this period.. I might fail but as God with me,nothing impossible though God disagree with my decision.