De darkest day of the year. its not the weather..not the scene.. De situation that u feel its darken Ur day, make De day turn dark for everything. When reality is the bad things that u don't want to really hear, but its de real world with reality. things that u can't change it or exchange with other things that similar.. The worst part had came. There's still room for improvement if everyone bring out the heart though hw much u unwilling treating that certain person.
As family,i really no idea what kind of family i ever wanted but as I were given a parents and siblings, i am grateful with the gift which better than orphan that might dunno whose their parents were or even been neglected ones that never ever felt the love of a family. I'm not in doubt whether my presence in the family is as worth as it should be, but the feeling of belongingness is there.. in this family. Not single person is unavailable in the family can worked out, cant survived.
Never felt the haet of argument ever though it seems to be discussion. but they not heartily be there as the feelings of having the father is not as that much anymore. they felt, if that worse decision is the best decision they can make, they just wish to accept it. not even feelings to keep the family back to its right track. I do. but i don't know how as with this kind attitude of mine, i cant create any magic. though the heart is so much want to do something. Tigress is like that? or Taurus like that? Or myself become like that as the environment change? behavior, attitude is hardest things to change. if u fall to be that kind of person at the day u're born, u ought to be like that for the rest of ur life. Not everyone really can change coz of something, someone.
Actually, the problem is there from beginning.. from de day I've realized it till today.i know its happen. i know.. but i don take action for i also believed things won't change better for the subject didn't trying to change their behavior. It could be one of myfault too. as family, there is two-way sacrifice to be made. but i chose to-be the one left out from the list. I din help as I like to stay in between. either do or do it partially or din do anything at all. Worst to-be the worse is the reality of the decision. What am i expect to hear of? I don want to hear that worst reality as things been discussed over the years and things keep repeating for there must be something that hold everyone to. That's the blood ties that stream down the blood vines. Its the family!
but not to everyone that's important. maybe my responsibility as daughter not be measured by the contribution that i make to the family. I admitted that i never be the good daughter or siblings even the sister of God. i din do as much as i should do it for better life. I just didn't and its not very heart only the "mover" is missing. The pusher of everything that should be worked out is missing. I don know when i can find that "push" but the sense told me that maybe things will be too late after that. Change always the biggest constraints when change is hard stuff and slow that can make things change.
I realized that my treating towards mum and dad is differ. It seems to be I argued with mum a lot but the least is that i able to express my unhappy to her. but things differ when i treat dad. To me, he is someone to be respected. De dad that give me family. I do things that i think can help da. I don expect for return in everything's i do for i believe i am truly heart did that..to my family even though i might dislike some of de siblings. But the point is that,we are family. saling berkaitan de relationship. its not the ship wont sank if the head of family is gone. we all shipping under same ship. if u make mistake is controlling the gear, all sank and died.
I know i didn't think things far beyond the expectations. Things that i din really think off might happen. the health worsen. the relationship turns bad. the ties broken. When one things happen, what could you think off will come along too. Everything that i know just the surface. I din really ask, care of, think "what if" question. I don't know anything at all even seems to-be know everything. Surface things also being notified type by others. I don really going to take care of them. I admit that for I really din make it. Im not good daughter, that i admit it to be true as I din practiced the lessons being good daughter.
things turn sour not past one day or one problem. When things is repeated be happened, its the biggest problem ever when u out of ideas how to solve the bad. The worst of worst when one of the siblings rather choose love than family. but the love sacrification is too huge..when the religion is totally opposite to ur belief from young. Do environment really can change someone? but do they really knows that the decision may affect the whole family? Do they really can give up everything that related with family and run-away with the man? How dare they think things is that simple? as what sis said, when the law is static, cant be change..the only solution is change the people. But how much that person want to change if love is gretaer above all? In the eyes , couldn't exist family anymore. thats de worse things to think though u planned not to.
i want this family. no matter how bad i felt about other siblings, no matter hw i hurtful with their action for ignoring my advices, im still want this family as they were a part of me. If no single of them, im not anyone to be alive for i lost the ties.
It should be the time that change us but I couldn't be grown up wth the age. when u feels the things is right to yourself, u just continued the life. i never plan to change for better. the rest of the days never be the same again.
As family,i really no idea what kind of family i ever wanted but as I were given a parents and siblings, i am grateful with the gift which better than orphan that might dunno whose their parents were or even been neglected ones that never ever felt the love of a family. I'm not in doubt whether my presence in the family is as worth as it should be, but the feeling of belongingness is there.. in this family. Not single person is unavailable in the family can worked out, cant survived.
Never felt the haet of argument ever though it seems to be discussion. but they not heartily be there as the feelings of having the father is not as that much anymore. they felt, if that worse decision is the best decision they can make, they just wish to accept it. not even feelings to keep the family back to its right track. I do. but i don't know how as with this kind attitude of mine, i cant create any magic. though the heart is so much want to do something. Tigress is like that? or Taurus like that? Or myself become like that as the environment change? behavior, attitude is hardest things to change. if u fall to be that kind of person at the day u're born, u ought to be like that for the rest of ur life. Not everyone really can change coz of something, someone.
Actually, the problem is there from beginning.. from de day I've realized it till today.i know its happen. i know.. but i don take action for i also believed things won't change better for the subject didn't trying to change their behavior. It could be one of myfault too. as family, there is two-way sacrifice to be made. but i chose to-be the one left out from the list. I din help as I like to stay in between. either do or do it partially or din do anything at all. Worst to-be the worse is the reality of the decision. What am i expect to hear of? I don want to hear that worst reality as things been discussed over the years and things keep repeating for there must be something that hold everyone to. That's the blood ties that stream down the blood vines. Its the family!
but not to everyone that's important. maybe my responsibility as daughter not be measured by the contribution that i make to the family. I admitted that i never be the good daughter or siblings even the sister of God. i din do as much as i should do it for better life. I just didn't and its not very heart only the "mover" is missing. The pusher of everything that should be worked out is missing. I don know when i can find that "push" but the sense told me that maybe things will be too late after that. Change always the biggest constraints when change is hard stuff and slow that can make things change.
I realized that my treating towards mum and dad is differ. It seems to be I argued with mum a lot but the least is that i able to express my unhappy to her. but things differ when i treat dad. To me, he is someone to be respected. De dad that give me family. I do things that i think can help da. I don expect for return in everything's i do for i believe i am truly heart did that..to my family even though i might dislike some of de siblings. But the point is that,we are family. saling berkaitan de relationship. its not the ship wont sank if the head of family is gone. we all shipping under same ship. if u make mistake is controlling the gear, all sank and died.
I know i didn't think things far beyond the expectations. Things that i din really think off might happen. the health worsen. the relationship turns bad. the ties broken. When one things happen, what could you think off will come along too. Everything that i know just the surface. I din really ask, care of, think "what if" question. I don't know anything at all even seems to-be know everything. Surface things also being notified type by others. I don really going to take care of them. I admit that for I really din make it. Im not good daughter, that i admit it to be true as I din practiced the lessons being good daughter.
things turn sour not past one day or one problem. When things is repeated be happened, its the biggest problem ever when u out of ideas how to solve the bad. The worst of worst when one of the siblings rather choose love than family. but the love sacrification is too huge..when the religion is totally opposite to ur belief from young. Do environment really can change someone? but do they really knows that the decision may affect the whole family? Do they really can give up everything that related with family and run-away with the man? How dare they think things is that simple? as what sis said, when the law is static, cant be change..the only solution is change the people. But how much that person want to change if love is gretaer above all? In the eyes , couldn't exist family anymore. thats de worse things to think though u planned not to.
i want this family. no matter how bad i felt about other siblings, no matter hw i hurtful with their action for ignoring my advices, im still want this family as they were a part of me. If no single of them, im not anyone to be alive for i lost the ties.
It should be the time that change us but I couldn't be grown up wth the age. when u feels the things is right to yourself, u just continued the life. i never plan to change for better. the rest of the days never be the same again.
