hate these words

21102011
WTF lah..

U,ah.. as HRD cannot control people.. you think i open company want to rugi money ka..? u thot am a bank,ka..easily take money and waste money to pay workers every month without work progress ones.. u already 25 yrs old cannot think ah.. tomoro grads lo.. u think still work like wasting money nia can show u alrdy grown up as master u hold ka.. huh.. pressure. "i don want say a words on you again. u don want to change, whats yr problem hah?" bt then stil do the talking..blah..blah.. cheh.. tot so great can hold the mouth to scold ppl when things not right. the bad is when thgs not correct and not derived from me also kena marah ones. never paise other good or at least any jobs finished. inikah job development yg btl? inikah justice? even single says"ok,good,keep up" pun takda, mana ad worker willing stay long with u..though am not fully as.

am i bad?

i feel i do aftr i didnt let my boss know that day got "special draw'(for those got play numbers bet). well,my intention is prevent myboss buying more numbers. but then luckily,i believe myboss realised "this should be that,must be something". aftr that sempat buying lo. at nite time,upon checkg, myboss number out. included in 1-3 seat above. then i can get my salary..though i tot no more. but bcz last9 winning,myboss give anthr strike,buying more.. haih.. sien..

I hate my life! its suck!

i sinking. Again, its full of unwanted waters that almost fully covered me till i cant breathe. not only water but also rubbish, empty bottles that make my life more worse. Whats more to say if these things should not be there as not belong to me. I didnt ask for it comes to me, but it did anyway without considering my feeling. Is it really meaningless? regardless i like it or not,i have to accept it. its like what ppl always says,"like a bird without wings, like a man without legs"... can't be where u wanted to be. no matter how eager u are.

I am loser. speaking not my strength. what to say asking. Dare or Not, i rather choose SILENT. I reli dont understand..y need so rush? doesnt ppl say, "careful is good deed"?..i takes time b'coz i wanted to make sure everythg is correct. not wrongly written. Can't compare to what i done before. not logic. they don have patience to wait not my problem. I did before but that person willing to wait. different people behaved differently. if he can wait, why not them..? this small matter need be taken big case? think being "laugh" over having so "slow' and "useless" machine to operate fully.

not my willing to utter those words. I just actly want to say is, the choice of the course not what i like. hw cm u expect i will like it although i goin through it 3 years and get a degree for that? its all what u all says. the course not good to study, no work for you. but u decide it all. study what, where, when. I know im paid for these studies. not to say, im being forced to take up that course.

i don wan this life. my theses un-finish. who can tanggung for that? although grade is taken, but final work still needed. i not yet complete it but due date is running up very high already. eho can help me?

whisper

How I wish God can whisper to me that he's the one right for me..then i no need to think much about my fate in later on life.

If God whispered, then I no need gotta out finding, searching for soul-mate or even worried couldn't find one that suit my taste..and i don't have to worried if the man is catching up with others this moment as if God whisper he's the one then he finally will return to me.

but this sound not good as the man probably had "exchange" hands with other so many times before fall into my hand..at the end. Maybe thats not the way i want from God but the blessing of the relationship i had this moment,maybe.

I've told that,' I may not the perfect one for you, but I hope U will feel the warmth love I gave which came from the bottom of my heart. If one day, separation is a must, don't feel sad 'coz we had done the best for this and nor you or me shall give up the precious moment we had'.. no one like that situation that makes two lovable birds sets apart from each other.

I want everlasting relationship..the precious of that is the commitment, understanding and tolerance. May God do whisper to me that i am the last for him. Amen.

readiness in marriage

Im not sure how ready a person is before they say, ' I Do'.. towards the wedding proposal from a man..

Most of my friends are now married and some got children too. To me, these things come so fast. Do they ever think what marriage really brings into life? The importance of it is commitment. I'm not sure how committed they were which i foresee that some weren't that keen into marriage. I'm not saying it is by force but its sort of like that--viewed from other perspective.. as one grew older, its time for family to arrange the wedding. ..either the groom could be the one you love or recommended by third party which an old saying,"you may not love the person well before that but love can be generated after marriage thru the bond that tied them together".. that's y I got to see some of their husband is older age or the feelings of they were not so known well over the period.

If the case of age that makes them into marriage, its no one can say anything. neither me to disagree over the issue.

some people act strange

30th July 2010

Suddenly thought on this after yest post.. Yah.. hardship sometime maybe make people to change either it was for good or being forced into..but the end, they do change the way they used to be. Its not so likely people are willing to change the comfort ways they had but due certain problem, issue..changes should be made.

The close-up for the post is related to one person. A ex-classmates during F6. not so close ones but as she's the class monitor's helper, sometime we do need get into together. My personal interaction with her can be defined as so-so relationship in which im not so keen to talk to her, not because the race issue but the way she doing things, the way she make other people feels.. To me, it is uncomfortable. I'm not bias-ing here..I'm making clear of it. Maybe there's one problem I encountered with her..

I've been accused of "playing trick" during exam with "putting the answer sheet inside pencil case".. this is worse experience. i would never forget. I can't believe how such person can accuse me without any concrete evidence? i show the paper she mentioned and it was just a sticker--as replacement of liquid paper. I don't know how short-minded of her she had in mind ever see such things. plus, im not that kind of person need to do so.. everyone in the class knows that.. strange thing is she doesn't. Imagine. So unfair treatment i receive. even i got alibi when incident happen--fren sat next to me which she pick up the sticker for me. This is ridiculous. Her far third eye saw its not that paper..though just sat few tables in front of me. Better check the eyes or wear some glasses.

I'm not happy over the situation. A fren comfort me telling me to just ignore her accused. Its no need to be fuss about things u don't do. But i couldn't just sat there and assumed i commit the offense. but i didn't make any further explanation. i don't want things to be turn more black. myfren help me transfer the words to her and throw back the stone for me. Thanks! that were nice..at least got someone not very agree over things she done (accusing me).

i think its sort of revenge returned when recently i add her in FB but yet just as mere ex-classmates relationship though im stil keeping the angry piece in my heart over her. i thot she were married..but the first shout-out i see is how angry she was over man who had many flowers in one time. I felt strange as the last day of schooling period, she told everyone in the class that she's gonna be married after that with her bf. This is weird news, isn't it? To me, its sounds pity--devil mode--as how bad she treated on others, finally she get that in return.

I know, i know.. i should be more open in this case but its hard to clear the incident from mind which i felt real bad mood that day.

sometime people still the same

29th July 2010

i come across of the situation after i been requested by a long time fren via FB..with new names..that's make me couldn't recognize at first..but with profile pic of her's,i know that's her.

a bit intro about her as much as i know.. i known her since primary school but she change schl after year 6 which not same with me. her background is a Chinese father with iban mother. siblings sort of two bro, she's the eldest. lives quite near with mine just a mile away. then, last time i saw her is when i taking my F6 at that school. that time, she were with a male teacher (who teach at the schl) and stay at rented house just few doors after mine. Thats surprised me actually after i knew it. well, from the news i got from fren (mostly who known her since she schooling there), she ended her schl around F5 and be with the male teacher *stay*.. Rumors says,"she's pregnant"! Well, what can the outsiders says..

Now, finally, in her profile, I can see she's had embrace Islam as she married with the male teacher just now and granted with two girls. It was a good news as after all, she still get what she want and her life is great with fully devoted to her new religion and not forgetting her root (keep in touch with family, still).. Im happy for her, actually though im not getting close too much with her during time at primary school but the memory greatly exist as there no much Chinese in the class that time.

May her wishes be blessed (to have a son on Dragon Year)..hehe.. and happily ever after with sweet family.