my dream job

141111

coming to half month of November already,suddenly time flies very fast.. from the day i took up master studies in 2009 now aldy past 2 years. Duh.. Cant imagine,rite? yup. its real. but still don have any job. doing work at here like working at hell with "king of hell". not even will be listed in my job preference or even part time job. Worst!

so recently, i had apply few jobs.. mostly in hotelier industry. to cuba nasib. although seems far but stil near as got sis there. at least can jaga me. from the day i completed my STPM, a always think of entering industry like hotelier, FAB, restaurant industry.. industries that provide hospitality. even got thinking to study on that field. but under arrangement, give me this HR. not say lousy but ppl say HR cannot find "food" at local. many of my frens now not doing basic HR things.

so as i step out from uni with degree holder, want to find work but again being stopped to pursue master. says that with master u can find better jobs. but the bad is i have no choice to taken up same studies--HR. huh.. my dream job fade again. And now,what.. finish master, so eager to search for my dream job then route is being broken down by some people, working at a factory with HR post.

does no one really know that i don want be an HR? u got the knowledge but not the skill,practicable knowledge.. how u think u are manage to control and handle ppl from different background? even not willing but stil have to come work everyday. got salary of RM1,800 although i aldy upgraded to master levels. Im not care abt the salary but rather my performance. im not good time management. am not good control ppl. so everytm i wished don hire so many ppl,keep lesser. then my work will lighter.

here no other exec levels employees. just me alone. this is not healthy work environment. i want to work in a situation that i had a supervisor above me, got my colleague to help each other, and keep our rltnshp close with each other. then i can hang out with them for lunch.. can put on make-up, wear office wear either formal or informal. but at here, i just like others. no need wear so nicely as u work in a factory. sometimes u need "play" with "dirty". if u suddenly wear such dream wear, ppl will think u are crazy.

opportunity came for my dream job. hoping to apply for locals resort although plan is not working in the state/city. i hope menjadi this time because keep pushed to take up PhD pula this time. keep asking to enroll in coming intake, prepare proposals related with "his" target on SCORE. huh.. not my intention to be so disobey, but if study can fulfill my needs, i will not face so much difficulties in completing the studies from very beginning. every parents should know their children ability in studies, where im not always the high achiever. never from primary til now. i never succeed to over my own target. how come they don realized it?

i really disappointed. what so good of PhD? just want me involved with the field as he is?

shout out " i don't want. my dream is with hotelier industry. Don't stop me, pls? give me some space to try out jobs first. why keep blocking my way to success? you think i only can success at yr place? u think i will argue with ppl at the work? "

i know my behavior nt good but i don think will be the same at different environment later on. at least no need working with family is my biggest hope. bcz there always wil have "bring home work" or "extended business matter/issue" which i don want to hear/handle after work. i don think this will happen if i reli worked later which i think the worst is need OT. but its better coz im willing do so as part of my resp. not being forced to understand the fact of the factory operating cost.

Dream job,

pls wait for me. Im willing to sacrifice for you. Pls give me a chance to perform, to give my service to u.

hate these words

21102011
WTF lah..

U,ah.. as HRD cannot control people.. you think i open company want to rugi money ka..? u thot am a bank,ka..easily take money and waste money to pay workers every month without work progress ones.. u already 25 yrs old cannot think ah.. tomoro grads lo.. u think still work like wasting money nia can show u alrdy grown up as master u hold ka.. huh.. pressure. "i don want say a words on you again. u don want to change, whats yr problem hah?" bt then stil do the talking..blah..blah.. cheh.. tot so great can hold the mouth to scold ppl when things not right. the bad is when thgs not correct and not derived from me also kena marah ones. never paise other good or at least any jobs finished. inikah job development yg btl? inikah justice? even single says"ok,good,keep up" pun takda, mana ad worker willing stay long with u..though am not fully as.

am i bad?

i feel i do aftr i didnt let my boss know that day got "special draw'(for those got play numbers bet). well,my intention is prevent myboss buying more numbers. but then luckily,i believe myboss realised "this should be that,must be something". aftr that sempat buying lo. at nite time,upon checkg, myboss number out. included in 1-3 seat above. then i can get my salary..though i tot no more. but bcz last9 winning,myboss give anthr strike,buying more.. haih.. sien..

I hate my life! its suck!

i sinking. Again, its full of unwanted waters that almost fully covered me till i cant breathe. not only water but also rubbish, empty bottles that make my life more worse. Whats more to say if these things should not be there as not belong to me. I didnt ask for it comes to me, but it did anyway without considering my feeling. Is it really meaningless? regardless i like it or not,i have to accept it. its like what ppl always says,"like a bird without wings, like a man without legs"... can't be where u wanted to be. no matter how eager u are.

I am loser. speaking not my strength. what to say asking. Dare or Not, i rather choose SILENT. I reli dont understand..y need so rush? doesnt ppl say, "careful is good deed"?..i takes time b'coz i wanted to make sure everythg is correct. not wrongly written. Can't compare to what i done before. not logic. they don have patience to wait not my problem. I did before but that person willing to wait. different people behaved differently. if he can wait, why not them..? this small matter need be taken big case? think being "laugh" over having so "slow' and "useless" machine to operate fully.

not my willing to utter those words. I just actly want to say is, the choice of the course not what i like. hw cm u expect i will like it although i goin through it 3 years and get a degree for that? its all what u all says. the course not good to study, no work for you. but u decide it all. study what, where, when. I know im paid for these studies. not to say, im being forced to take up that course.

i don wan this life. my theses un-finish. who can tanggung for that? although grade is taken, but final work still needed. i not yet complete it but due date is running up very high already. eho can help me?

whisper

How I wish God can whisper to me that he's the one right for me..then i no need to think much about my fate in later on life.

If God whispered, then I no need gotta out finding, searching for soul-mate or even worried couldn't find one that suit my taste..and i don't have to worried if the man is catching up with others this moment as if God whisper he's the one then he finally will return to me.

but this sound not good as the man probably had "exchange" hands with other so many times before fall into my hand..at the end. Maybe thats not the way i want from God but the blessing of the relationship i had this moment,maybe.

I've told that,' I may not the perfect one for you, but I hope U will feel the warmth love I gave which came from the bottom of my heart. If one day, separation is a must, don't feel sad 'coz we had done the best for this and nor you or me shall give up the precious moment we had'.. no one like that situation that makes two lovable birds sets apart from each other.

I want everlasting relationship..the precious of that is the commitment, understanding and tolerance. May God do whisper to me that i am the last for him. Amen.

readiness in marriage

Im not sure how ready a person is before they say, ' I Do'.. towards the wedding proposal from a man..

Most of my friends are now married and some got children too. To me, these things come so fast. Do they ever think what marriage really brings into life? The importance of it is commitment. I'm not sure how committed they were which i foresee that some weren't that keen into marriage. I'm not saying it is by force but its sort of like that--viewed from other perspective.. as one grew older, its time for family to arrange the wedding. ..either the groom could be the one you love or recommended by third party which an old saying,"you may not love the person well before that but love can be generated after marriage thru the bond that tied them together".. that's y I got to see some of their husband is older age or the feelings of they were not so known well over the period.

If the case of age that makes them into marriage, its no one can say anything. neither me to disagree over the issue.

some people act strange

30th July 2010

Suddenly thought on this after yest post.. Yah.. hardship sometime maybe make people to change either it was for good or being forced into..but the end, they do change the way they used to be. Its not so likely people are willing to change the comfort ways they had but due certain problem, issue..changes should be made.

The close-up for the post is related to one person. A ex-classmates during F6. not so close ones but as she's the class monitor's helper, sometime we do need get into together. My personal interaction with her can be defined as so-so relationship in which im not so keen to talk to her, not because the race issue but the way she doing things, the way she make other people feels.. To me, it is uncomfortable. I'm not bias-ing here..I'm making clear of it. Maybe there's one problem I encountered with her..

I've been accused of "playing trick" during exam with "putting the answer sheet inside pencil case".. this is worse experience. i would never forget. I can't believe how such person can accuse me without any concrete evidence? i show the paper she mentioned and it was just a sticker--as replacement of liquid paper. I don't know how short-minded of her she had in mind ever see such things. plus, im not that kind of person need to do so.. everyone in the class knows that.. strange thing is she doesn't. Imagine. So unfair treatment i receive. even i got alibi when incident happen--fren sat next to me which she pick up the sticker for me. This is ridiculous. Her far third eye saw its not that paper..though just sat few tables in front of me. Better check the eyes or wear some glasses.

I'm not happy over the situation. A fren comfort me telling me to just ignore her accused. Its no need to be fuss about things u don't do. But i couldn't just sat there and assumed i commit the offense. but i didn't make any further explanation. i don't want things to be turn more black. myfren help me transfer the words to her and throw back the stone for me. Thanks! that were nice..at least got someone not very agree over things she done (accusing me).

i think its sort of revenge returned when recently i add her in FB but yet just as mere ex-classmates relationship though im stil keeping the angry piece in my heart over her. i thot she were married..but the first shout-out i see is how angry she was over man who had many flowers in one time. I felt strange as the last day of schooling period, she told everyone in the class that she's gonna be married after that with her bf. This is weird news, isn't it? To me, its sounds pity--devil mode--as how bad she treated on others, finally she get that in return.

I know, i know.. i should be more open in this case but its hard to clear the incident from mind which i felt real bad mood that day.