i know why

22/01/10

The things had past one day one night. No signs of improvement. No signs of changing better. No ain't signs for feeling better. I still in terrible mood for as I cant believe that's happened at last after so many years of argument, in-agreeable in most issues, different views of thinking.. then,that's is it.. stopping everything that moved on. Deleting on everything that had shared. Emptying the real feeling that had been poured since young. People just cant believed in you anymore. No any longer exist the trust, the sense of belongings. Living in the past just will give you more pain.. So i choose living in present. Not saying I m going to forget the past things that happen, but for the moment, I need put it aside for its not worth to be argued off. Maybe de things will change better over the time and no doubt it may become worsen.. but the least is we had tried our best to cope it without bothering our mind that stuck the thinking process.

I realistic that bad things cant be change better in one day.. neither bad robbers can change become saint in one day. Either Paris cant be build one day. And killer wont stop killing for its impossible to achieved. So,making the point here is that i stil who am i and i wont change for other people that wish me to change. I shall not bother anymore things that happen through my both eyes for they knows better that its wrong. One day,I may feel its hurt but it sooner become better.. Hope for it.

the day finally comes

20/01/10

This morning i just say,"what a nice date.. de numbers so beautiful".. bt at the end of de day,its become the historical moment in life ever...the biggest secret finally revealed.. Figuring out the process,its suck and hard to admit that its real..

i cant say its all my fault as from the beginning i have warned and giving advice purely to protect but if its falls to deaf ears,what can i do more,rite? So,the moment it happen,u just cant stop it. Its too late for every back up solution. Yes,admitting that i ever use back door to reach the main stage.. but the actor himself portray to be secretive with the actress.. so y should i bother so much using main stage to tell de actress what i feel? No point,right? I thought de things/matter can be keep forever till death but so fast..today its come to end all de secret.

nevertheless, i had encounter it once and i knw ways handled it so i never regret things i done previously to the actor and de actress for i already tried my best just they don't think it that way. I might use wrong encounter, but its indeed a good deed. I never plan to harm anyone nor plan to destroy every single relationship they have but i just plan to avoid more bad things happen. I don't ask acceptance, i don't ask agreement, i just ask a respect. I'm not betrayer at least i didn't do something that harmful.

The days comes and i need to accept the truth, the reality that im really that kind of bitch that like busybody on others and peeking is my part-time profession. Gosh! i really got to admit it! curiosity above all. but to others,i might just busybody son of bitch!

I now declared war that period last forever till i died. No more close sista. No more close communication. No more close watching. No more close things to do together. Everythg comes to its end on this date. But i don't regret at all as its under prediction. Im grateful as now its all over. I don't need keep it inside heart all time and make myself like a clown,trying to pretend happy to entertain others. I am who i am for i don't care what really people look inside me as they felt i should long grown up with the age.

i will remember de date forever for its stil such a beautiful date. Good nite,world!

cold cold nite

14th Jan 2010

Wish all happy new year! hope not too late.. still at the month of January. Well so long din blogging coz change habit to watch dvd.. haha.. although nt so interesting,bt thinking of typing and thinkg what to do really bored. As its a cold nite, i rather sat stil from the laptop and din move much as outside also pretty cold. Covered wth blanket and drink hot drinks is preferable. so nice if gt couch front of the fireplace like what Europe ppl always have during cold time / winter season. or like Japanese have hot place to get self-warmed.

Well what to hope for at M'sia rite? now is raining season.. everyday is cold.. already two days continuously Kch having heavy rain. my plc here so badly rain pour make my life miserable. eating instant mi all day long really make me jerk! pissed off! but thats the fastest food i can get than walking out in rain to get rice.well hope tmrw can hav it..so bored having mi all time.

my resolution this year sound hard to achieved with my condition nw.. always din start asgnment early..what to do? cant,ma... last min plan always in list..

do i really can put it out?

4th Jan 2010

as starter of new year 2010, i ain't change better. stil being the busybody.. bt this time I decide to give up my profession..to become person-not-knowing-anything.. don want to bother other business.. But do I really can??

I don knw but wan to give it a try..as feels Im gonna to suffer more if I stil taking the burden wth me.. Bt I knw I need time for this period.. I might fail but as God with me,nothing impossible though God disagree with my decision.

why this happen to me>

nite of 30th Dec 2009

Ever askg why I did my LI at Bintulu.. its not exactly want run away from family matter..likewise she planned to. I just want a chance to spy sista activity in Btu..l Though i got de answer i want,everyday just like pretending to be gud sista. Im not betraying telling mother abt u're going out wthout bringing me but its the exact thgs u done to me. y shall i lied abt it? its all ur decision to reveal after being asked the question!

chances always there but dependable on the timing. when time not right,u got the chance, things wont worked out. Just like if u make plan,but certain thgs occur make plan cnt worked,u cant do anythg either except u got alternatives for it.

i hate myself!!!

30th Dec 2009

this moment, i hate myself for being so busybody.. why so care about others business? cant just ignore who with who, what they done, where they've been and how they hooked up tghr?! I cant! coz thru bzbody i knw the truth, the reality, the exact answer im searching to. This just coz they will not telling u directly and not admit it till end except being revealed. But who gonna tell me that? No one! I have to figure myself. thats why I ought to be busybody keeping ppl business in my to-do list. I always trying prevent myself to do so..but things not going so smoothly.

all i know just doing little things behind to find out what exactly happen.i don want to but hw they gonna open their mouth telling me? nope..they never.

nEW yEAR 2010

De date of 31st Dec,2009 is the last day of Dec which means the arrival of new year of 2010.

Last resolution had to be revealed on the New Year Eve. There always a ritual in my family in "fined" those resolution that did not achieved for the past year(2009). I would say I could be fined the most $$ as refresh back about 2/3 resolution is not able to achieved. this ritual is rather boring as read in a article mentioning that ppl will forget he resolutions they had make after three days. so probably most ppl doesnt rmbr at all what they had wrote for the new year.

New year, new resolution, new person, new hope, new cloth (to s/one wants everything new), new life (revive life), and new problems. New year opens up anthr problems that we had bringing over the past years where involved money/finance matter. Ppl always shortage of money.. Money never enough and never able satisfy everything we need in life. Money hard to find but money is the utmost important thgs that cant be replaced for a bttr life. Only money can buy stuff we want except happiness which we get it by our own.

New year not creating new ppl as ppl stay the same over the years though it is a new year. To ask ppl to change is like asking the cow to bark. Its very hard as living in the comfort zone,who else want to change to better in new year?! probably just little percentage.