14th Jan 2010
Wish all happy new year! hope not too late.. still at the month of January. Well so long din blogging coz change habit to watch dvd.. haha.. although nt so interesting,bt thinking of typing and thinkg what to do really bored. As its a cold nite, i rather sat stil from the laptop and din move much as outside also pretty cold. Covered wth blanket and drink hot drinks is preferable. so nice if gt couch front of the fireplace like what Europe ppl always have during cold time / winter season. or like Japanese have hot place to get self-warmed.
Well what to hope for at M'sia rite? now is raining season.. everyday is cold.. already two days continuously Kch having heavy rain. my plc here so badly rain pour make my life miserable. eating instant mi all day long really make me jerk! pissed off! but thats the fastest food i can get than walking out in rain to get rice.well hope tmrw can hav it..so bored having mi all time.
my resolution this year sound hard to achieved with my condition nw.. always din start asgnment early..what to do? cant,ma... last min plan always in list..
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
do i really can put it out?
4th Jan 2010
as starter of new year 2010, i ain't change better. stil being the busybody.. bt this time I decide to give up my profession..to become person-not-knowing-anything.. don want to bother other business.. But do I really can??
I don knw but wan to give it a try..as feels Im gonna to suffer more if I stil taking the burden wth me.. Bt I knw I need time for this period.. I might fail but as God with me,nothing impossible though God disagree with my decision.
as starter of new year 2010, i ain't change better. stil being the busybody.. bt this time I decide to give up my profession..to become person-not-knowing-anything.. don want to bother other business.. But do I really can??
I don knw but wan to give it a try..as feels Im gonna to suffer more if I stil taking the burden wth me.. Bt I knw I need time for this period.. I might fail but as God with me,nothing impossible though God disagree with my decision.
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
why this happen to me>
nite of 30th Dec 2009
Ever askg why I did my LI at Bintulu.. its not exactly want run away from family matter..likewise she planned to. I just want a chance to spy sista activity in Btu..l Though i got de answer i want,everyday just like pretending to be gud sista. Im not betraying telling mother abt u're going out wthout bringing me but its the exact thgs u done to me. y shall i lied abt it? its all ur decision to reveal after being asked the question!
chances always there but dependable on the timing. when time not right,u got the chance, things wont worked out. Just like if u make plan,but certain thgs occur make plan cnt worked,u cant do anythg either except u got alternatives for it.
chances always there but dependable on the timing. when time not right,u got the chance, things wont worked out. Just like if u make plan,but certain thgs occur make plan cnt worked,u cant do anythg either except u got alternatives for it.
i hate myself!!!
30th Dec 2009
this moment, i hate myself for being so busybody.. why so care about others business? cant just ignore who with who, what they done, where they've been and how they hooked up tghr?! I cant! coz thru bzbody i knw the truth, the reality, the exact answer im searching to. This just coz they will not telling u directly and not admit it till end except being revealed. But who gonna tell me that? No one! I have to figure myself. thats why I ought to be busybody keeping ppl business in my to-do list. I always trying prevent myself to do so..but things not going so smoothly.
all i know just doing little things behind to find out what exactly happen.i don want to but hw they gonna open their mouth telling me? nope..they never.
all i know just doing little things behind to find out what exactly happen.i don want to but hw they gonna open their mouth telling me? nope..they never.
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
nEW yEAR 2010
De date of 31st Dec,2009 is the last day of Dec which means the arrival of new year of 2010.
Last resolution had to be revealed on the New Year Eve. There always a ritual in my family in "fined" those resolution that did not achieved for the past year(2009). I would say I could be fined the most $$ as refresh back about 2/3 resolution is not able to achieved. this ritual is rather boring as read in a article mentioning that ppl will forget he resolutions they had make after three days. so probably most ppl doesnt rmbr at all what they had wrote for the new year.
New year, new resolution, new person, new hope, new cloth (to s/one wants everything new), new life (revive life), and new problems. New year opens up anthr problems that we had bringing over the past years where involved money/finance matter. Ppl always shortage of money.. Money never enough and never able satisfy everything we need in life. Money hard to find but money is the utmost important thgs that cant be replaced for a bttr life. Only money can buy stuff we want except happiness which we get it by our own.
New year not creating new ppl as ppl stay the same over the years though it is a new year. To ask ppl to change is like asking the cow to bark. Its very hard as living in the comfort zone,who else want to change to better in new year?! probably just little percentage.
New year, new resolution, new person, new hope, new cloth (to s/one wants everything new), new life (revive life), and new problems. New year opens up anthr problems that we had bringing over the past years where involved money/finance matter. Ppl always shortage of money.. Money never enough and never able satisfy everything we need in life. Money hard to find but money is the utmost important thgs that cant be replaced for a bttr life. Only money can buy stuff we want except happiness which we get it by our own.
New year not creating new ppl as ppl stay the same over the years though it is a new year. To ask ppl to change is like asking the cow to bark. Its very hard as living in the comfort zone,who else want to change to better in new year?! probably just little percentage.
Temporary moment
29th Dec,2009
Once I got this iPhone 3Gs,I indeed feel happy as its got camera,better capacity and not "made in China" than what I have before (N98). bt that also a gift from dad. Then,temporary feeling appeared..its like to be I may loose the iPhone as not staying with me forever. probably coz history at the past taught how easy ppl change in one second and plan to take back their belongings. And maybe i don't deserve such "gift" afterall.
Secondly,"owning" the laptop.. I would say,I deserve it as I paid for the reformat fees as cost rm50 (too expensive) for me..But, I do feel uncomfortable as the owner of this Acer laptop is Dad and most thgs inside is his. I doubting he might askg me to do things on his behalf as thgs inside the laptop. Well,i think as he always have "careful" secret secretary, the info must be have backup..i shall nt worried too much of it.
Thirdly,master schl fees. Its all paid by mum. Its temporary also as I had to repay bec when I work later on. But how to make it happen while my guts to work stil low with my bad temper? Gosh..this part is hard. Tally for this Msc HRD is rm 17,000. Much $$... to keep and pay back. So,mum is great after all though i always "argue" with her in most things.
Lastly,temporary relationship. no one dare to guarantee the rltnshp will ever change over time even though you had tight bond in it. I realize that when things come fast to you,it may signalize u may lose it fast too. So,in that moment,grab what you think the most powerful weapon to fight for any circumstances.
I beg all THESE temporary moment will grant me a fully control one day! gOD BLESS!
Secondly,"owning" the laptop.. I would say,I deserve it as I paid for the reformat fees as cost rm50 (too expensive) for me..But, I do feel uncomfortable as the owner of this Acer laptop is Dad and most thgs inside is his. I doubting he might askg me to do things on his behalf as thgs inside the laptop. Well,i think as he always have "careful" secret secretary, the info must be have backup..i shall nt worried too much of it.
Thirdly,master schl fees. Its all paid by mum. Its temporary also as I had to repay bec when I work later on. But how to make it happen while my guts to work stil low with my bad temper? Gosh..this part is hard. Tally for this Msc HRD is rm 17,000. Much $$... to keep and pay back. So,mum is great after all though i always "argue" with her in most things.
Lastly,temporary relationship. no one dare to guarantee the rltnshp will ever change over time even though you had tight bond in it. I realize that when things come fast to you,it may signalize u may lose it fast too. So,in that moment,grab what you think the most powerful weapon to fight for any circumstances.
I beg all THESE temporary moment will grant me a fully control one day! gOD BLESS!
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
y always like that?
16th Dec
I don knw why.. how "they" can back-up such action and decision in allowed some "people" to behave as they want it to be?? does that mean they lose the important key to control or afraid for bad result? always happen to be like that as im the last person to know what that "people" are trying to do and these "they" already knew the plan and give green light of it? really don know..why. Im not that hard..just dissaprove..maybe like mum. disagree most things that may offered to danger..unwilling to let off..but that doesnt mean no respect to me?! i in doubt do I still make sense to speak up or not..
maybe coz that "people' bf" is someone I knew (ex-MUET's teacher son),I dissprove. bt truth is i dislike him.. shld knw what is good for her and not back up for her in everythg she do/did. if knwg she unable to manage herself either,y keep bothering? I knw "ppl" say im boring,not suporting like "them". so most of things didnt let me know or share evry little single secret with me..only took me as slave,working as servant for "them"..sometime its real nice as i ought to do so.. but if ask me to keep my mouth mute, ear deaf and eyes blind,I cant make it.. the intention always thr.I always have feeling to know.curiosity,maybe.
"she" never let me knw about her secret - hiding man to be in life..ignorance not best answer. bt i knw "she" will never share with me..neither success or not. talking phone oftenly nad nearly every single day got once..so im doubting they had connected. Ya..I know in this case,nor any siblings willing to share about personal matter,especially love.. keeping secretly until finally revealed always be their ways of covering. afraid of rejection,maybe..
as once rejected,u nvr had second chance to own it bec. refers bec to freedom post last time,i've been thinking too does that means to me also? yes,sometime when i got to but im not so lucky.. meeting friends not easy.. what more to say inviting fren to come visiting? Sibu plan never "download" me.. I always no opportunity to do so. Alreay entering three years and more I didnt back to my hometown,Sibu.. nevertheless to say meeting old frens. though the heart are beating for the chance..but it always make a roundabout..years by years..
guess the chance only when sista's wedding dinner next year.. Oct 2010. Gosh.. anthr a year to stay with regrets. but no choice.cnt choose they way we want as sort predestined. Wish me luck,all the time.
I don knw why.. how "they" can back-up such action and decision in allowed some "people" to behave as they want it to be?? does that mean they lose the important key to control or afraid for bad result? always happen to be like that as im the last person to know what that "people" are trying to do and these "they" already knew the plan and give green light of it? really don know..why. Im not that hard..just dissaprove..maybe like mum. disagree most things that may offered to danger..unwilling to let off..but that doesnt mean no respect to me?! i in doubt do I still make sense to speak up or not..
maybe coz that "people' bf" is someone I knew (ex-MUET's teacher son),I dissprove. bt truth is i dislike him.. shld knw what is good for her and not back up for her in everythg she do/did. if knwg she unable to manage herself either,y keep bothering? I knw "ppl" say im boring,not suporting like "them". so most of things didnt let me know or share evry little single secret with me..only took me as slave,working as servant for "them"..sometime its real nice as i ought to do so.. but if ask me to keep my mouth mute, ear deaf and eyes blind,I cant make it.. the intention always thr.I always have feeling to know.curiosity,maybe.
"she" never let me knw about her secret - hiding man to be in life..ignorance not best answer. bt i knw "she" will never share with me..neither success or not. talking phone oftenly nad nearly every single day got once..so im doubting they had connected. Ya..I know in this case,nor any siblings willing to share about personal matter,especially love.. keeping secretly until finally revealed always be their ways of covering. afraid of rejection,maybe..
as once rejected,u nvr had second chance to own it bec. refers bec to freedom post last time,i've been thinking too does that means to me also? yes,sometime when i got to but im not so lucky.. meeting friends not easy.. what more to say inviting fren to come visiting? Sibu plan never "download" me.. I always no opportunity to do so. Alreay entering three years and more I didnt back to my hometown,Sibu.. nevertheless to say meeting old frens. though the heart are beating for the chance..but it always make a roundabout..years by years..
guess the chance only when sista's wedding dinner next year.. Oct 2010. Gosh.. anthr a year to stay with regrets. but no choice.cnt choose they way we want as sort predestined. Wish me luck,all the time.
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